Posts Tagged ‘transformational thought’

30 day Challenge – days 4 & 5 RESISTANCE!!!!

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

Hello!

The last two days have been interesting ones for me. Not because I have discovered anything new or shocking. But because I have run into my own resistance to change. And this happened fast.

I knew that I would hit some resistance. This is normal and natural. By our nature, humans don’t like change. Even when the change is good for them. There is a reason we have, in the past, done things that way that we have and voluntarily changing them is NOT FUN!

Why not, you might ask.

The short answer is that we have become comfortable with our previous way of being, and even when we know that that way of being, that world view, is no longer serving us, we tend to cling to it because it is familiar.

The other answer is that we might have to admit that the way we have previously chosen to look at things is, well, wrong.

Let’s address the second, first. Just because sometimes I enjoy being contrary!

In the world of Coaching, there are very few things which are wrong or right. Patterns which we have developed over the years previous to our being Coached generally are simply accepted as being choices which we have made which, for the place and time which they were made, worked. That now, in the present, we have more information, have grown and changed, and the pattern / decision is no longer valid or no longer supports us with the direction which we are now choosing to go. It’s actually pretty easy. So, if we are willing to accept that the way we were is not a wrong or right thing, but simply a need to do it differently thing, letting go of that judgment, we are able to move forward with ease and grace.

The first reason for resistance is a little complicated. Because this is predicated on the idea that we (or in this case) have consciously made a decision to change a particular aspect of my life. And that aspect isn’t happy about it! Many groups call this the DEATH OF THE EGO. (Where is the echo sound effect when you need it.) Sounds scary yes? It’s not. This is simply a struggle between our very human need for security and our very human desire to evolve. Evolving can be very easy, or very painful, depending on your point of view and your chosen attitude at any given moment.

Lets me show you. Both yesterday and today I have fulfilled my commitment to my list. I have walked, exercised, drank plenty of water, journaled, looked into more ways of expanding my Coaching practice. Did I do this with ease and grace? No. Did I enjoy myself? You’re kidding, right? Did I find peace and serenity and a feeling of accomplishment having completed my list? WHAT?!?!?!? Someone get me a piece of cheese cake as a reward! I deserve it!

WAIT!!!!!! What is going on?

(I should let you know that many of the things on this list are what I worked on in on of my projects during my second year in my Masters program. So on those, I am amping them up. The fact that the resistance showed up this quickly in those ares should no be a surprise.)

When I sat and thought about this, my thought process went something like, what am I trying to achieve? What does it matter? Is anyone going to notice? Will it make a difference? Shouldn’t I be focusing on something which will have much more visible results? Did this work last time? Will anyone care?

It was that last one which really triggered me. I took a moment, stepped back, and looked at that and looked at the counter part: Do I care? And where is the conflict.

What I found was that the conflict is in a deep misbelief that it is somehow wrong to care for yourself. I think there are a lot of women out there, especially women who are mothers and women who are in their 40’s and older, who still buy into the idea which we were raised with that as women we needed to sacrifice and put our family and by extension, or world, before ourselves. That by focusing on the rest of the world, we were, in essence releasing our egos and were then “good” women. (I know men who also do this. But I believe that it is much more common among women.) I know that I was taught and my mother and grandmothers really modeled this principal for me. And it’s actually a little shocking to see that this script is still running in my life.

So what do I do? Well, first off, I choose to recognize that this belief is not true. Or it may be, but it is not the only way of being. And that I have choices in my way of looking at and interpreting this information. That I don’t need to make this past model – or the women who modeled it – wrong. Simply choose to understand and accept that that particular way of being and doing things no longer serves me and that it is time to find something which will serve me better. And move forward into that set of beliefs with ease and grace.

After that, it was time to look for some new motivators. What were some things I could choose in order to keep me focused. Well, both yesterday and today I was feeling very tired. So, in the spirit of self nurturing, I took a nap. When I woke up, I had an e-mail asking me to perform at a wedding in 10 days! Talk about a motivator! Not only does it keep me involved in the physical side, this also gets me engaged on both the creative areas and the intellectual. Not to mention, I get to practice good business principals including marketing, negotiations, time management, communications! How cool is that?

So, when you start to hit resistance, ask yourself, what is the resistance really about? What old scripts are running through your head? Is this showing up in your body? In your attitudes? What belief would benefit from being realigned? And are you willing to take the risk and do so?

Things to think about. Until net time.

Nancie Kay Shuman
www.nancieshumanexecutivecoach.com

30 day challenge, or taking a the time to take care of myself

Thursday, October 7th, 2010

Hello!

The last couple of weeks have been an interesting time. I have sent my son back to Uni, dealt with a nasty cold, and a multitude of other things called life which have a tendency to get in the way of, well, our plans.

But I intend to change that. . .

In my practice, I use what is call a 30 day process. It is a simple tool to help set up and change patterns. There are three parts to this process: 1) an agenda, 2) a check list, 3) a journal. Every part is equally as important because each supports a different aspect of the process. Let me explain how.

First, we set up an agenda. This can be very simple or very elaborate. I encourage simple at first, as there is less of a chance of self sabotage due to over thinking or committing. This is also a time to set a clear intention about what it is that the client wants to achieve or bring forward.

Secondly, we make a list of actions step to be taken. I encourage my clients to be clear as possible so that they know exactly what they are committing to. While saying doing ab and core work is great, what does that mean? By saying that you will do an average of 5 set of exercises from a list of ab and core exercises 6 times a week, you get a much cleared idea of what you are committing to. (I also encourage that when the list is being made, that the client give themselves several options in order to keep things interesting.) Keep the list at least 50% believable, and see what happens. Adjustments can always be made.

Finally, there is daily journaling. This can be as extensive or as simple as the client chooses. Some days there isn’t a lot to talk about. And if that is a pattern, that is something to look at. Sometimes, the actions steps trigger an emotional reaction in the client, and this is an opportunity for the client to look at any world views which the action steps are challenging. And then adjust those views accordingly.

My challenge? It is two fold. One of my intentions is to better take care of myself on a physical level. It includes things such as ab & core work, making sure that I am diligent in my oral hygiene (WHITE STRIPS! Do I need to say more?,) applying moisturizer, taking time to meditate every day even for 5 mins. Oh, and dancing every day.

The second part of my intention is to support myself in expanding my business. In support of that, it is my plan to identify and do one thing every day which will enhance my business and expand my communication with potential clients. And to act upon this as is appropriate. My horrorscope a few days ago told me that I didn’t need the latest bells and whistles in order to be relevant in my work. That what I have to offer is good enough, in fact more than. I think this is a great point, and a fabo reminder that sometimes the basics are the best way to move forward. Working from that.

And lastly, journaling. Journalism is an amazing way to watch your patterns and how they develop, change and expand. If you journal and truly allow the journal to be the repository of your thoughts and emotions in connection to this experience, you (I) will find many things which clearly point to where I have resistances to change. Or serve as a reminder of the growth which I am experiencing.

So, is anyone with me? Anyone want to set up their own 30 day challenge? It’ll be fun and maybe life changing!

Tomorrow – the lists!

Things to think about. Until next time.

Nancie Kay Shuman
www.nancieshumanexecutivecoach.com

The Wins!

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

Hello!

I have decided to post today about the things which I have acheived in my life in the last 30 days! And my apologies for not writing on a regular basis. School was an amazing experience, but totally exhausting!

Justin has been accepted into Aberdeen University for the fall! This is amazing and exciting. We are now concentrating on raising the $35,000 per year – no, that is NOT a type-o – for his tuition, room board, etc.! But, I know this can be done! and quickly, too. I am very proud of him and will go the extra mile so that he is able to attend and be successful. Which means finding a few more clients. But if Justin is willing to work hard, so am I!

I have successfully finished my first year of school for my Masters in Spiritual Psychology program! YAY!!!! This has been an amazing experience so far and I have been told it only gets better! I have been fascinated, because the one thing which I have been able to take away is the positive feed back from my classmates and my instructors about my ability to do this work effortlessly and effectively. And though I have had feed back from my clients as such, it is nice to work through the fraud factor and really step into my own. Once again, YAY!

I am currently in talks with a UK based magazine about writing a monthly column for them. The magazine is aimed at Plus sized women and I am very excited about having the chance to speak with them and help to empower them in their lives!

And lastly, I am working on finding a company which is interested in developing an in-house Coaching program for the benefit and enrichment of their staff. I believe that this would be a great challenge, and the company would be on the cutting edge as this has been foreseen as a trend whichis up and coming! Anyone have a line to Richard Branson?

Even little Wins should be celebrated! I bought a new printer! no more having to go to the library in order to print my papers, praying that they have compatible software! I have scheduled a photo shoot for my belly dance website! I and going to have coffee with my PR guy, asking him to help me put into place a plan of action to help to further build and expand my practice.

All of which deserves a Yah Whoo!

So….

Yah Whooo!!!!!!

Until next time.

Seeds and Planting things

Saturday, June 14th, 2008

I was talking to a client today and the subject came up about planting things. She has had several opportunities present themselves to her in the past few days and is wrestling with what to do about them. None of them demand any action at this moment, they simply are there.

I call these the seeds. Or bulbs might is a better description.

Here is how this works. . .

You are given a box of bulbs. You know there are Irises, tulips, daffodils in there, but you aren’t sure which are which. So now you have to choose to plant something. Or not.

While you are thinking about it, these are just bulbs. let’s say that the boxes of bulbs represent a job. And let’s say it’s June. June is not generally the best time to plant bulbs. So you wait. While you are waiting you think about what kind of flowers you want, ie: tulips, Irises, etc. You go, you get books with photos or drawings of the different bulbs and compare. Some you reject out of hand, others you set aside as a definite maybe, others still you can’t decide on. During this process, what you are doing is clarifying your optoins and feeling towards this ‘job’.

Realistically, at this point, while you have expended some energy, you have not committed to anything. Because you haven’t planted the bulbs. At this point all you have done is research. Part of this research include a look into variable. Because you may have sorted through and decided that you would like a patch of Irises, but you have a preference for blue Irises, and you have no idea if the bulbs you have are blue, yellow or white. You may have decided that you dislike tulips, but you have had a difficult time sorting some of the tulip bulbs from the daffodils. The question which i would as is this: if a red tulip showed up in your daffodil patch , what attachment to the outcome do you have? What are your expectations?

In some schools of Coaching, this is called managing expectations. One program which I am fond of talks to us about engaging in negative future fantasy. When we finally decide to plant those bulbs (or not) one of the things which we use a fertilizer is our expectations, projections and negative future fantasy. If we believe that if we plant the bulbs and we will expect Irises and get tulips. chances are, that’s what will happen! And if that doesn’t happen, what are the chances that we are pleasantly surprised or even give ourselves credit for a job well done? Expectations, projections and negative future fantasy can talk you out of a potentially good experience or taint it so that you are unable or unwilling to fully commit and engage in the activities because you have bought into the mistaken ideas and judgments which may or may not hold up under close scrutiny. Once you are clear on this, it makes choosing to plant those bulbs much easier.

So, what seeds are you thinking about planting.

Things to think about. Until next time.

Nancie Kay Shuman
www.nancieshumanexecutivecoach.com