Posts Tagged ‘world view’

It’s your house, is it designed to support you and who you are becoming?

Monday, January 21st, 2013


So I have chosen to step up my game lately. I am currently creating an agenda in order to really move forward with my life. Which is great. But one of the things which I know I need to look at if I really intend on moving forward without a lot of resistance, is my environment. Or more specifically, the 9 areas of my environment and to see if they support where I am headed and, if not, what I need to do in order to shift them to do so.

Nine areas? you ask? How can there be nine areas in your environment? And how can they not support you? This is actually pretty easy. The 9 environments include: Relationships, Network, Finances, Technology, Physical, Spiritual, Self, Body and Memetic. And the question is, do they work for you?

In Coaching, Proficiency number 14 is Assisting the Client to Create Supportive Environments. It’s part of the definition of what a Coach does. So over the next 5 weeks, I will be writing about each of these environments, the questions which will help you, and me, to elicit information and opportunities to change, along with some suggestions about how each environment can be improved or possibly where to find information on how to develop more supportive ways of being and doing which reflect what you are trying to bring forward.

This will be fun! What area would you like to work on? Where do you see room for improvement?

Things to think about. Until next time.

30 day Challenge – days 4 & 5 RESISTANCE!!!!

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010


The last two days have been interesting ones for me. Not because I have discovered anything new or shocking. But because I have run into my own resistance to change. And this happened fast.

I knew that I would hit some resistance. This is normal and natural. By our nature, humans don’t like change. Even when the change is good for them. There is a reason we have, in the past, done things that way that we have and voluntarily changing them is NOT FUN!

Why not, you might ask.

The short answer is that we have become comfortable with our previous way of being, and even when we know that that way of being, that world view, is no longer serving us, we tend to cling to it because it is familiar.

The other answer is that we might have to admit that the way we have previously chosen to look at things is, well, wrong.

Let’s address the second, first. Just because sometimes I enjoy being contrary!

In the world of Coaching, there are very few things which are wrong or right. Patterns which we have developed over the years previous to our being Coached generally are simply accepted as being choices which we have made which, for the place and time which they were made, worked. That now, in the present, we have more information, have grown and changed, and the pattern / decision is no longer valid or no longer supports us with the direction which we are now choosing to go. It’s actually pretty easy. So, if we are willing to accept that the way we were is not a wrong or right thing, but simply a need to do it differently thing, letting go of that judgment, we are able to move forward with ease and grace.

The first reason for resistance is a little complicated. Because this is predicated on the idea that we (or in this case) have consciously made a decision to change a particular aspect of my life. And that aspect isn’t happy about it! Many groups call this the DEATH OF THE EGO. (Where is the echo sound effect when you need it.) Sounds scary yes? It’s not. This is simply a struggle between our very human need for security and our very human desire to evolve. Evolving can be very easy, or very painful, depending on your point of view and your chosen attitude at any given moment.

Lets me show you. Both yesterday and today I have fulfilled my commitment to my list. I have walked, exercised, drank plenty of water, journaled, looked into more ways of expanding my Coaching practice. Did I do this with ease and grace? No. Did I enjoy myself? You’re kidding, right? Did I find peace and serenity and a feeling of accomplishment having completed my list? WHAT?!?!?!? Someone get me a piece of cheese cake as a reward! I deserve it!

WAIT!!!!!! What is going on?

(I should let you know that many of the things on this list are what I worked on in on of my projects during my second year in my Masters program. So on those, I am amping them up. The fact that the resistance showed up this quickly in those ares should no be a surprise.)

When I sat and thought about this, my thought process went something like, what am I trying to achieve? What does it matter? Is anyone going to notice? Will it make a difference? Shouldn’t I be focusing on something which will have much more visible results? Did this work last time? Will anyone care?

It was that last one which really triggered me. I took a moment, stepped back, and looked at that and looked at the counter part: Do I care? And where is the conflict.

What I found was that the conflict is in a deep misbelief that it is somehow wrong to care for yourself. I think there are a lot of women out there, especially women who are mothers and women who are in their 40’s and older, who still buy into the idea which we were raised with that as women we needed to sacrifice and put our family and by extension, or world, before ourselves. That by focusing on the rest of the world, we were, in essence releasing our egos and were then “good” women. (I know men who also do this. But I believe that it is much more common among women.) I know that I was taught and my mother and grandmothers really modeled this principal for me. And it’s actually a little shocking to see that this script is still running in my life.

So what do I do? Well, first off, I choose to recognize that this belief is not true. Or it may be, but it is not the only way of being. And that I have choices in my way of looking at and interpreting this information. That I don’t need to make this past model – or the women who modeled it – wrong. Simply choose to understand and accept that that particular way of being and doing things no longer serves me and that it is time to find something which will serve me better. And move forward into that set of beliefs with ease and grace.

After that, it was time to look for some new motivators. What were some things I could choose in order to keep me focused. Well, both yesterday and today I was feeling very tired. So, in the spirit of self nurturing, I took a nap. When I woke up, I had an e-mail asking me to perform at a wedding in 10 days! Talk about a motivator! Not only does it keep me involved in the physical side, this also gets me engaged on both the creative areas and the intellectual. Not to mention, I get to practice good business principals including marketing, negotiations, time management, communications! How cool is that?

So, when you start to hit resistance, ask yourself, what is the resistance really about? What old scripts are running through your head? Is this showing up in your body? In your attitudes? What belief would benefit from being realigned? And are you willing to take the risk and do so?

Things to think about. Until net time.

Nancie Kay Shuman